The first kiss- and the brutality that followed

People think I should stop blogging. They are desperate for me to stop. People are begging me to stop. They are shaming me to stop telling me story, over and over. I would only stop blogging if I cared what people think. Clearly, I couldn’t care less. In fact, truth be told, I’ve lost everything, I’ve got nothing, I live in total fear- and I couldn’t give a fuck. 
Moreover, I vowed never to forget. That was years back. And I am still not finished. I’ll stop blogging when I get me friend back, how about that? People coming to me blog moralizing and sermonzing and telling about this country and that country when my own country, the only one I care about, is being butchered, and I haven’t got 100 rupees to my name, please, take it somewhere fucking else.  
So let’s go back, to the camp, the workers camp where all us Pakistani families lived in misery and squalor, dad months without payment and having to feed us from tiffin boxes ladled up in the male only communal kitchens.
We’ll begin not exactly at the beginning, but at a point where we can all relate:
Parveen’s first kiss. That was in my room and totally unexpected. My reaction? I sort of spat, reeled back, and wanted to push her away. That was the level of shock I had. Being hypocrites and knowing I was so sick, it was allowed to continue unabated so that I was so dependent upon Parveen I couldn’t function upon return to the UK without her. That’s when they decided to out us, or rather, my cousin did, out of jealousy. The reaction as it all went public? I had me hair shaved off, I was locked in the bathroom of my house for 3 days and nights, Parveen was hustled off to Dewsbury. I would see her again only once where we supposed to say goodbye and condemn each other-but we didn’t- we tried to run off and get to the police. But I disgress. We are in my room and I have just tried on a pair of white jeans. I am standing looking in the mirror and….. 
This is the first kiss.


One response to “The first kiss- and the brutality that followed

  • Anonymous

    The scent of jasmine overpowering in the air,
    You come to me as a silky shadow.
    Eyes tight shut, praying this languid dream is my release.
    Fingers locking hand in hand
    A gentle caress … she touches me deep within
    Wishing her near …

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